It will come as no surprise to anybody who has ever had to work for a living when I say that there are Fast days and slow days in Every business. It is a Universal Truth that only a certified Moron would deny -- not even the Filthy Rich who have never worked a day in their lives and still believe in Santa Claus, if only because they can afford to think that way.
Not even professional Journalists can deny a thing like that with a straight face. It is an open secret on any newspaper that the Sports Desk will see more Action, on any given day, than any other Desk will see in a month. ... That is why Sportswriters are almost always the lowest-paid people on Newspaper staffs: They are charter members of the Too-Much Fun Club, and they like it that way.
"Why should I work for a living," they say, "if I can get paid doing something I love?"And who will argue with them? Not me. I am a Natural-born Sportswriter. I have a knack for it, a God-given talent. After I first learned that it was possible to sleep late and go to work at Two in the afternoon, and still get Paid for it, I never did anything else.
You bet. Some people call me lazy, but they are Wrong. If I am lazy, then so is Chris Berman of ESPN and Bob Costas of NBC. Both are members of the Too-Much Fun Club, and they both learned their trade from former New York Yankees Hall of Fame shortstop Phil Rizzuto -- who went from Playing baseball for a living, to talking about baseball, for an even better living. Rizzuto was my hero as a youth, and I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. I too played shortstop for many years -- (in Louisville's version of what is now the 'Little League') -- until I was struck down by Acne and Baby Fat.
It was Beer that finally ended my career as a full-time Athlete -- first Beer, then Girls, and finally a brief fling with Crime. That is a fatal mix for any star athlete, and for a while I thought I was Finished. I went into shock when I no longer heard cheers. My life turned weird overnight, and people snickered when I lumbered out on the Diving-Board. It was horrible.
But not for long. The shock quickly wore off, and I soon found a home at the sports desk -- any sports desk, from the Louisville Courier-Journal, to the Tallahassee Democrat to TIME magazine and the Brazil Herald to the New York Herald-Tribune. They all have a sports desk.
(To be continued soon ...)